Life Should Have A Safeword Banana

I think life should have a safeword banana. 

What is a safeword? 

Well, this is what Wikipedia says: a safeword is a codeword or series of code words that are sometimes used in BDSM for a submissive (or “bottom”) to unambiguously communicate their physical or emotional state to a dominant (or “top”), typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary. (Don’t ask me how I know what a safeword is… I just do… let’s move on, nothing to see here…)

Just imagine! You’re having a terrible day. You miss your bus, you’re late for work, your laptop crashes, and your local cake shop is out of lamingtons. 


Suddenly everything stops, and you get a chance to regain your composure and prepare yourself to rejoin the game of life. Think how much more relaxed we’d all be knowing we can quit the game temporarily any time we want!

Maybe we should start a movement where we all sign up for a universal contract; a Banana Covenant. 

No matter how angry we are with someone, no matter how upset we are with someone, no matter how disappointed, or fed up, or whatever — and no matter how deserving someone is of those feelings — if they cry “Banana!” that means it’s time to give them a break. Not to forgive or forget, but just a temporary recess from the beating they deserve. Let them have some time to reflect on what you’re upset about, process it, and come back to the discussion later. 

Alternatively, if you’re the one giving the lousy service, or being difficult, or just generally being an arsehole, if your victim yells “Banana!”, then you have to stop, no matter how much fun you’re having (at someone else’s expense). It’s only fair.

You know, life is like a good session of BDSM (or so I’m told), except you only ever get to be the Bottom and never the Top. You get tied down by so many things in life; work, family, society. Some things beat you, like public transport, or bad service, or taxes. Other things caress you, like chocolate, a good book, or Ryan Gosling (or so I’m told). 

But that’s the thing about BDSM… err, I mean life. The good stuff only feels good in juxtaposition to the bad stuff. You need a little bit of both. But we should all be able to say enough is enough if we have too much of either.

So if life has tied you down and is ramming a giant dildo up your arse, don’t be too proud to cry out the universal safeword, “Banana!” And if you see someone screaming out the name of a large yellow fruit, don’t look shocked. Give them a hug, but only until they say the safeword.

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