When the inevitable zombie-apocalypse begins, we’ll all need to decide whether we’ll want to belong to team-zombie or team-human. Here are five reasons why I’ll choose team-zombie.
Zombies are great at teamwork. It’s their prime modus operandi. Without teamwork, Zombies are slow and practically defenceless against a well-armed human. But as a team, Zombies can fight off just about any human attack. If only humans could work together as well as Zombies. The world would then be a much better place.
Zombie society is based on equality and egalitarianism. There are no King Zombies or President Zombies. There is no Zombie ruling class. All Zombies are treated as equals by all their Zombie brethren. In fact, it goes further than that. Zombies also treat all humans equally. No matter what your religion or nationality or race or sex, Zombies will eat your brainz equally and without prejudice. That is so beautiful!
3. Low Carbon Footprint
Let’s face it, Zombies are good for the environment. Zombies themselves have a low carbon footprint. They don’t drive cars, they don’t fly planes, they don’t use electricity. All they consume are humans, and while humans themselves have a high carbon footprint, Zombies only need a few humans to survive. Zombies can go without food for days, weeks, months and, perhaps, years. So the small number of humans they devour does not significantly contribute to global warming. Also, by culling humans, Zombies help to reduce the amount of carbon pollution produced by humans.
4. Health and Well-being
Zombies are incredibly resilient and healthy. They don’t catch colds or any other kinds of virus. They are not susceptible to bacteriological infection or cancers. Even amputation won’t stop them. Humans are pathetically weak vessels full of sickly germs, viruses and diseases in comparison to Zombies. Want to reduce your country’s health-care costs? Then immunize your population with the Zombie-virus. You know it makes sense.
5. Nutrition and Diet
Human Brainz is full of protein and essential vitamins and minerals and is one of the relatively few naturally-occurring food sources of vitamin A. On one meal of Human Brainz, a Zombie can go for months without eating. A serving of Human Brainz contains vitamin C, niacin, pantothenic acid, folate, vitamin B-12 and vitamin E. Thiamin, riboflavin, iron, calcium, magnesium, phosphorous, potassium, copper, zinc and selenium are all also present. Plus Human Brainz is sugar-free. It really is a wonder-food!